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08 dicembre Oh my god I posted!!Hello everyone. After a solid month I'm here and thought I would drop a line. I should be sleeping seeing that I have to work at 7pm to 7:30am tonight but alas I can't sleep. This night shift thing is gonna kill me I swear. Anyone out there who works nights I'm feeling your pain. I gotta get my butt back to days as soon as possible. Patients is the name of the game though. I'm low man on the totem pole as far as that goes. I just have to wait for my opportunity to move up when a day position opens. Seniority is a wonderful think but it can also suck! Work has been going well. I've seen some awesome things and have been learning a lot. I watched an open heart surgery which I was so excited about, however, the woman died at the end of surgery. It was a learning experience to say the least. It was one of those situations that was extremely sad, but nothing could have been done. It's yet another one of those days I go home and think, life is so precious. I'm not affraid to die really. I've seen a lot of death for someone who is 25 years old and I'm not scared of it. Most people my age are. It's okay, it can be a scary thing. What scares me is not having family and friends who care about you and remember you after you're gone. Going through your life and at the end you never touched someones life, you weren't loved/cared for. That's scary to me. Death can be a positive thing in some situations. I never want to suffer that's for sure. Okay, I'm sorry about that. Not many people like to read a post that's depressing. In all actuality, I'm not really writing for anyone except myself so I guess it doesn't matter. There are things that have been going really well in my life and things that aren't going so well. A couple of weeks ago we found out my dad will probably need a heart transplant. The MD said, "maybe in a year, maybe in 5, but you're a candidate." Insert fist into my stomache, fall to my knees, and try my best not to throw up. How the heck to you take news like that. We all didn't take it so well. Thus, I switched on nurse mode and I don't have to be so consumed by the news. I can answer everyones questions without falling apart and be strong when everyone needs me. I think it's the oldest child's job to finally return the favor to your parents and everyone in your family by being the strong one that everyone can lean on. Anyway, that's all I have time to post right now. I hope everyone is having a lovely holiday season!! Take care and enjoy yourselves.
Amy 08 novembre Hello!!Well here I am. Back at my space just to drop in for a few. I feel like I've been neglecting it horribly. Work has been kind enough to give me a "study day". Basically a day off to account for all the studying I've been doing on my own time and to go to the library and look up different modules. Boy do I need it!! I'm starting to get really nervous about being on my own though. I start night shift on Thanksgiving day and I have two days to get oriented to that shift and then I'm on my own. It's difficult to explain but I'm scared that I won't be able to do what I need to do on my own. There has been so much to learn that my brain doesn't seem to want to hold it all. I'm starting to have difficulty wrapping my head around a few things and then remembering them when I've understood. Anyone else have that problem? It's like you put one thing in and it bumps something else out to make room. ARG!! That's not supposed to happen! :) heehee The fall has been beautiful here and unfortunately I haven't been out much to enjoy it. I have gone climbing again which was awesome as well as been trying to play ultimate frisby with a new group of people. It's cold but kinda fun at the same time. I'm looking to buy a fixer upper house right now for when I'm done with orientation. If I want to invest in real estate I need to start now while I'm young. My new schedule starting in January will be 12 hour night shifts 3 on 1 off 3 on 7 off. This is what I wanted and I'm really glad I got it. A whole week to work on me will be awesome. I can go on vacation or just chill from a hard week of work.
I need to get going and do some more studying. I hope everyone is doing wonderfully. I drop in to check my comments so leave one and say hi!!!
Take care,
Amy 16 ottobre I'm so sorry!!For anyone that actually comes by my space regularly I'm so sorry. I have been so busy with my new job I'm not sure if I can see straight. I've also been trying some new things with my free time in the evenings. Besides studying I've done a bit of climbing which was AWESOME!! I've always wanted to try it and now I know why, I love it!! It feels great to get to the top and look down at your accomplishment. I reccomend it to anyone who has been thinking about going. I've been trying to keep up with all my friends but not doing the best job. I just figured now is the time to enjoy myself so I'm focusing on my job and myself. Doing what I want to do, and I've been trying to be outside doing as much stuff as possible which doesn't leave me much time to sit at the computer and type. I have wnated to blog for a while, but I'm not exactly sure what I want to lay out there. My blogs have always been very personal, but lately I've felt like keeping things to myself a bit more. I'm not sure why either. I feel like I need to hold the special things in my life close and if I share too much I might not have it anymore. Does that make sense?
There have been some really cool things that I've seen at my new job. I pulled chest tubes (they drain fluid from around your lungs and heart), watched a SWAN catheter be put in, and pulled one out. I stablized a patient and readied to transfer him to a lesser area of care and then he went down hill a bit and was able to catch it. That felt great! My preceptor complimented me and told me that she wasn't sure she would have caught it. :) What a great feeling! I can't wait to continue to learn all the things I know are in store for me in the CICU. I needed this challenge to spice my life up. It's fun and I feel like I'm learning so much.
Okay I really need to get some stuff done so this is it for now. I'll try to write more later!! Drop me a comment and let me know how you are doing!!
Amy 06 ottobre Great BlogsI have read some really awesome thought provoking blogs lately and I wanted to share them with everyone. Writing on contriversial topics or ones that inspire many different thoughts is very difficult, however, I think it is amazing when someone can express their thoughts in an orginzed non accusatory fashion. Do not preach or try to convert, just share. Two heads are always better than one, we can learn and shape our beliefs from each person we talk to. New ideas and ways of thinking about things pass us every day, it is our job to listen, digest, and make discoveries inside ourselves.
These entries are coming from people my age, in their 20's. If only we all could speak up as they have. Our voice is so powerful we have no idea. Many just haven't formed their opinions yet. I would just like to say, keep an open mind!! Learn from others, do not close yourself to the thoughts of your parents and grandparents. Search out your beliefs for yourself and listen.
Check these out:
Toby - 10/4/05 Seperation of Church & State: Good Idea?
Kenny - 10/5/05 An Evolution of Faith
01 ottobre A Quick HelloI have been absolutely horrible about writing lately. What's my deal?! I've been busier than usual I guess getting ready for my new job. I'm so excited and so nervous at the same time. It's not that I can't do the job. Because I know I can. Just give me some time and I'll be the best CICU nurse I can be. I just need the time to learn all the new things that I will be encountering down there. I have no experience with Hemodynaics, ventilators, SWAN catheters, balloon pumps, etc. Lots of new machines to work with.
Anyway, enough of that. I had a good last week at my job. I wasn't feeling wonderful at the end of the week but I think that has to do with the weather. I feel the weather a lot. What the heck are you talking about you say? Well December 2001 I was hit by a UPS semi truck on the freeway. I had whiplash on my neck really bad. At least a year of physical therapy and continuing therapeutic massage etc. It hurts most of the time and I have to be really careful at work with proper lifting techniques etc. When the weather turns I feel it. Have you ever heard people talk about that? Well it's completely true. It goes from sunny to raining and my neck KILLS. I'm soar and I'm exhuasted. Such a wierd thing really.
I am buying a sunbox. I have done a lot of research and it really helps in the winter and rainy times with improving mood and feeling healthier. There have been a lot of studies on the subject and I'm sold. They are a little spendy but worth it if it makes ya feel better right!?
What has everyone else been up to? My comments and hits have really slowed down and I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been posting as much or everyone is busy this fall starting school and more work. I think it's the latter really.
I am really looking forward to working days for a while. I have been on evenings for 3 years and even though I'm not really a morning person it will be so nice to see all my friends and hang out with them after work like a normal person. Of course it won't last long but that's okay. At least I'll be able to enjoy it for a while!!
I have recently been getting into astrology. I think it's really interesting. A lot of it seems very accurate. I'm not completely sold on it though, I need to keep reading into it. I would really like to get my star chart done and my full astrological reading. I'm an aquarious but my rising sign is cancer. I think I'm more like a cancer than my true sign. Anyway, I will talk more about that in the coming days I'm sure because my grandma gave me some books to read on the subject and I've just gotten into them.
I need to go help my mom make dinner since I'm over visiting with the fam. I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend so far!!! :)
Amy 26 settembre WorkHello all of you out there in Blog Land. I really haven't been very good at keeping up. I've been pretty busy though so I think that's a valid excuse. I went by Crissy's space today and I'm featured! Thanks so much that means a lot to me. I hope you all have enjoyed reading my blog as much as I have writing it.
I had a great weekend at work. I don't get to say this very often so it's a special thing. Usually work is very stressful and I come home exhausted and at times discouraged. However, this weekend was great. It was my last weekend on my current unit which is sad because I have enjoyed working with most of the people there. I will miss the patients very much. I'll trade these people in for ones that are much more sick and less responsive. I will miss the interaction I have with the people that I take care of now.
Weekends are usually a little bit more quiet than during the week. Less doctors are around, less procedures, and just generally a more relaxed atmosphere (most of the time) which is nice. I had a great group of patients. One gentleman is very sick and has been in for about a month. As soon as he gets better something else happens to keep him with us. Through this he has smiled. He's a little frail old man but he has a great smile. His family is amazing. I rarely see him without some member of his family sitting with him keeping him company. I love to see this support. They are concerned but also know that we are there to help their dad, grandpa, uncle, etc and they are thankful of any minute we have to spend. I love this family. I have sit and just talked with them for many hours since he has been with us. These are the interactions that make my job so rewarding. I know that i have made an impact on their lives and helped a little through this time. My listening ear and words of support have helped. They may no remember my name, and forget my face eventually, but i know that they will remember his time in the hospital and think of all the people that took care of him with fond thoughts and thankfulness.
It's so important for me as a healthcare worker to take these moments and store them away for a rainy day when I wonder why I am doing this job. It's hard to be around sick people all the time. It is very easy to start to look at life very negatively and not think anything is worth it.
The other patient that I had is a mechanical heart patient. He was young and had a heart attack suddenly that completely wiped out the left side of his heart. He had to have an emergency VAD put in or he would die. So this poor man woke up with a machine in his body pumping his heart. This is a horrible reality. I spent most of my time with him this weekend. He was doing great, and then last week he was sick constanly. Couldn't keep any food down. It was a setback and he ended up on IV nutrition and nothing by mouth because of an ileus. I gave him a popsicle when he was feeling better and it was like the greatest present ever. I will keep the look on his face in my mind forever. It was pure joy. He told me he would never take food for grandted again. We walked, he was feeling better, his spirits lifted, and he started asking me questions on how his life would be. I shared with him about my father because they had similar situations with sudden heart attacks at a young age. This man's heart is worse than my dad's which makes me thankful. He appreciated me telling me about my Dad and how he has been coping with being sick. They are quite a lot alike. It felt so good to sit and talk with him. I can't really explain what it feels like to be the person that can really turn someone's attitude around. I shared that being positive with get hiim t hrough this. He will be waiting for a transplant and it could be hard.
I'm babbling about the situation, but I came home last night on a high. It was a great weekend to end my time on my current unit before I start on my new job. I had been feeling pretty negative about my work on the ACU, but now I feel really good. I really feel like I made a difference this weekend and I needed it as much as the patients did.
I start my new position on October 3rd. I'm very nervous but I've been talking to people who work down there and they have been so encouraging. They have been telling me I'll do great and not to worry. I think nervousness is healthy at this point and it will make me work that much harder to achieve my goals. I would like to share the experience so in a week when I start I will try my best to do so.
Thanks for listening!! I hope you all have an awesome week.
22 settembre ChillI have the candles
 lit and the house is clean.  The breeze  is blowing through the house with a fresh fall scent.  Perfect atmosphere for a good blog. Not my usual time to write but I have a few minutes before I should go through some mail  and study for my new job.  I had a great weekend.
 I spent 5 days with my sister  in Denton and we had a wonderful time. We shopped  , ate great food  , toured around Denton and Dallas  and just had a generally great time. My main goal was to just go and spent time with Bethy. Normally on vacation  I like to see and do as many things as possible but not this time. I miss her already!  It was really hot
 there, I must say. Over 100 degrees plus humidity.  You walk outside and imediately feel wet  and like you can't breath well. I'm glad I wasn't there during the hurricane  , I probably wouldn't have been able to get home. Bethy should be fine, this weekend they are expecting 50 mile  an hour winds  but they will be fine.It was quite a shock
 when  I got home and it was chilly  when I stepped outside!! No worries though, fall  is a beautiful season and I intend to injoy it. We ate at Cracker Barrel
 while we were there and boy was it good. Also, Texas Roadhouse  was yummy too, can't forget Cheesecake factory.  I LOVE CHEESECAKE!!! There was this awesome candle shop in downtown Denton that my whole family has seemed to fall in love with. It's called Wik. I reccomend it to anyone. Their scents  are awesome and the candles last forever.September is almost over. I can't believe it. With that comes the start of my new job. My first day is October 3rd. I'll be doing a lot of studying
 and learning a lot of new things so I don't know how much I will be able to blog. I'm hoping to tell about my new experiences but if I feel overwhelmed this will be the first to go I'm affraid. Work
 was good yesterday. After being on vacation sometimes it's hard to come back.  However, even though it was a super busy night I felt good about it. I had quite a few difficult patients to deal with, but I was in a good  mood and managed to cheer them up as well. Sometimes a smile  and a little extra attention is all people need. Being sick and in the hospital can be so scary  and we tend to forget that since we're there all the time and see these things every day. I worked out
 in the morning for about 2 hours  and it felt great. I haven't been to the gym  in a while and I really needed to go. Boy did I sleep well last night!!  I'm trying to train myself slowly but surely to get up earlier so the transition wont be so hard all at once. One of my fish died today.
 He was named Goldie and he was an orange goldfish.  He had a nice satisfying life in my fishtank. He is survived by his two brothers Spot and Nemo. He was laid to rest in the big ocean  of the afterlife. May he rest in peace.  Today has gone well so far. Went to an appointment. Talked on the phone.
 Visited my mom and dad.  Then went to MACY'S to look at the couch  I want to buy and get color samples. I'm almost positive I want to go with a Kahki color. I think it will go well with all the old maps in my front room. I'm really excited to get nice furnature for that room. It's time. I feel like my personal growth is going really well. It seems as time goes on I learn more and more about myself and other people, which in turn allows me to work on the things that I struggle with to become a better person. I have gone through a lot of different experiences this year and I've learned a lot from them. They were good and bad but I look at them each as a lesson. I don't want to be a person who throws a pity party and exclaims, "Poor Me!! Look at all the horrible things in my life!" In all honesty, I'm so lucky.
 I have a home that's mine.  I have a great job that supports me.  I have a loving and supportive family  that have been there no matter what. And I have good friends  that always lend me an ear or their time when I need them. How do you not feel lucky with all those positives in your life? I was going through a horribly negative time earlier and I have been able to work through it because of those things and focus on what is good. It's so hard to do sometimes but it's really very important. I really believe more and more that life is what you make of it and which light  you choose to look at it in. One person will see the same glass that is half full as half empty.  A breakup can be a horrible thing, an end to the best thing ever, or it can be an opportunity to focus on you and make you available to something even better.Well I need to get going with all my tasks for the rest of the day. I hope everyone is having an awesome week and I look forward to chatting with you all!!
 16 settembre DentonWell I'm finally here!! I made it safe and sound to Denton, TX but let me tell you it wasn't the smoothest traveling I've ever done. I left yesterday trying to get here a little earlier so that I could spend more time with my sister. I made the flight at home by about 5 minutes. It was all good, however, I wasn't feeling so hot from the night before let me tell you. I got to Seattle and when my 3 hour layover was almost over we found out that the flight was an hour and a half late because they had to replace the plane in Sacramento. Well unfortunately this meant I would miss my connection in Albequerque, NM and I wouldn't be able to get to Dallas/Love Field that night. Southwest didn't disapoint me though, they put us (there were 5 of us going to Dallas from that flight) in a nice hotel right by the airport and gave us a voucher for food at the restaurant there. I had a good dinner and then relaxed in my king sized bed. I would have rather been with my sister but I was just glad that I didn't have to spend the night in the hotel.
Unfortunately my flight left at 7am and with the time difference I only got 4 hours of sleep. I was pooped! Checked myself in just fine, but luck would have it they wanted to do a full search of me in the security line. I was nervous I would miss my flight but finally they were done. Of course I had to put everything back on, belt, socks, shoes, and lug all my bags back into position. The flight was uneventfull though and I landed right on time. My sister was there to meet me and boy was it awesome to see her. It's been a little over a month and I've missed her so much.
Can I just say that Denton is VERY HUMID. I'm not liking the humidity so much, but it was bearable today. Tomorrow it's supposed to be about 10degrees hotter so we'll see how I feel. We chilled out and I took a little cat nap while my sister went to class. Then her boyfriend came home and we all chatted a while and then I met some of her gradschool friends. They all seemed really nice.
We went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner and had an amazing steak. Yummy!! Much better than airplane pretzels and nuts let me tell you. They showed me around the campus of UNT (University of North Texas) after dinner and it seems really nice. Huge though. I'm used to a smaller school. Gonzaga had about 2000 undergrads when I went there, Bethy went to Whitworth for her bachelors and they only had about 2000, UNT has about 30,000 students. Quite a difference.
The crickets here are huge and there are swarms of small birds everywhere. Definately different from Washington. I'm looking forward to seeing some sights tomorrow. I know we'll have a great time no matter what we're doing.
Well I need to make myself go to sleep even though it's not that late my time. I hope everyone is doing wonderfully!!! Chat with you all later!
Night! :) 12 settembre Happy MondayYeah that's right, I said Happy Monday! Monday's aren't always bad. It's the end of the weekend, but that's okay. I haven't written
 much lately. I just haven't really felt like I've had anything interesting to say. The fair
 started this week and so far I've gone twice, thanks to friends who have gotten me in for free!  It's expensive! I went to the Rodeo  on  Saturday and had a good time. It was really cold though! Summer is definately done. I went out after the rodeo with some old friends that I haven't seen in a long time. We all had a really good time. Played  pool  and drank some beer.  I stayed up too late though and was pooped on Sunday. However, didn't let it get me down!! I ended up hanging out with friends at the mall  shopping. How ironic is it that I went with two guys and they bought stuff and I didn't!? heehee Then we went and watched  The Family Guy premier at some people's house that I didn't know. I almost fell asleep on the couch. Oops! Today I got up early and went to the hospital to help interview the candidates for our new Assistant Nurse Manager. I didn't think there was that much contest. The person I thought was the most qualified and would do the best job showed up and just blew the others out of the water. He was the only one who dressed up for the interview which I think is extremely professional and appropriate for an interview. The other two wore casual clothes. Definately doesn't show your best side I think. He was the only one who mentioned providing excellent patient care, which is the most important part of our job. I was really happy that I was able to participate. The rest of the pannel were all managers - I was the only staff nurse. I felt really good about it because they all thanked me and praised me on the questions I asked. They asked more manager questions and I tried to ask questions that would pertain to dealing with staff and more everyday issues instead of budget and other things which he would only be dealing with at meetings with the managers.
I think I could have done a really good job in that position, but I'm so glad that I am going to the CICU instead. I will be starting October 3rd!! I am nervous but I think that's a good thing. It will keep me on my toes and help me to work harder, prepair myself better for each day. I will be learning so many new things that I am going to have to be really focused.
The rest of the day has gone well. Work
was fairly steady and then I got to go home early. Woo Hoo!! I've been studying off and on since then. The candles are going and I have the relaxing music  on. I can't have anything that has words in it because I'll end up singing alone (as usual!) and then I wont focus on my content. I think everyone has their own styles of studying.
 My sister has to have it completely quiet with nothing around her. Other people I know like to have the TV on, radio, or bunches of noise from other people to study. Isn't it funny how different people are? I've been trying to think of a new song
 for my site, but I can't think of anything right now that really fits how I'm feeling so I've opted to keep it the way it is for now. A few people have asked me the artist. It's John Mayer, and the song is Daughters.For information on putting Media Player into your site, as well as a guestbook and other fun things, click on Da Kid's website - he's the first sight in my favorites list.
I hope everyone has had a lovely day!! I look forward to chatting with you all!!
 08 settembre What a DayWhat a day. I woke this morning
 and didn't want to get out of bed.  There are days when I wake up wide awake, and then others where I just want to lay there but I know I have to get up. I was up for a while and then went back to bed and caught a few more Zzzzz.  It was such a beautiful day  outside that I had to go play in the sun for a while. I talked on the phone with a few friends, watered all my plants  and trimed things up so they looked nice.  Did some dishes.  Played on the computer.  All that good stuff. I was in charge at work again today. Things were going fairly well all shift. We were extremely busy
 in the beginning but once we got things under control and most everyone settled in things were better. The end of the night came and one of our patients went nuts.  He punched his nurse in the stomach.  It took 5 of us to hold him down. As I was holding his legs he managed (I have no idea how) to kick me in the throat. I couldn't breath for what seemed like a couple of minutes,  but I'm sure were only a few seconds. I was able to get my wits about me and hang on to his legs  before he hit one of the two pregnant  co-workers that were holding one of his arms. I didn't want them to get bitten  or punched. We ended up putting this 83 year old man in 4 point leather restraints and sedating him. He still didn't calm down much. My throat does not feel good and I hope everything is okay. I haven't gotten hit that hard before. Little bit scary!! I'm alive though and it should be fine. I hope he clears soon. It's so upsetting for the family to see their loved ones like that.Okay so I didn't think that I would have anything interesting to talk about from work today so I thought about a topic to write
about. I want to talk about what I want in a relationship.  When I was laying in the sun  today I was thinking  about my thoughts when I'm in a relationship. I usually think, what can I offer this person. How can I make them happy.  What can I do to make their life better. What can I do make them want me around and keep me there. I'm finally realizing, this isn't the right way for me to think. Why it has taken me 25 years, I can't tell you. All I can say is that I've had more relationships this year than I have had in the past. I was in a 5 year relationship after high school and we almost got married. I decided it wasn't working because there were too many things that didn't make me happy and that didn't work between the two of us, unfortunately. I don't know where that went in the 2 1/2-3 years since we've been broken up, however, I believe I'm back on the right track, heading in the right direction. At least I'm trying really hard.
Here is what I've learned... I need to look at the other person and think, do they make ME happy, what do they offer to ME, do they make MY life better, do I want them around me, my family, and my friends, are they compatible with ME? Now this is hard for me to write down because I look at it and say, this is selfish, however, I need to focus on my needs sometimes instead of trying to make everyone else happy, I need to make myself happy. Instead of always giving in and saying, whatever you want to do, or it's okay if you don't want to do anything I want to do, or it's okay you don't want to meet my family or any of my friends, or it's okay you never want to spend time with me, talk to me, be faithful to me, etc.
Now you say, well do you actually know what you want? Yes, I do. I have thought about the ideal things I would like. I am not unrealistic. I know this list is not complete in any way and the "perfect" situation. A good relationship requires work and compromise and believe me I'm pretty good at it. But just for the sake of things, I'm writing down what my heart desires. If I am able to find a person that fits in somewhere in between I would be happy. I may be crazy but at 25 I feel like I'm ready. Here goes:
I want someone who loves to hold me, cuddle, and kiss me.
I want someone who enjoys and appreciates the little things.
Who loves to hold my hand.
Who loves surprising me.
Who wants to spend time with me, go out of their way to spend time with me.
Who thinks I'm interesting and intellegent and likes to talk to me.
I want someone who calls just because he's thinking about me.
Who can share what he's feeling.
Who wants to share me in his life with his family and friends.
Who knows I'm a romantic and tries to be sometimes.
Who plays with my hair because he knows I love it.
Who's proud of what I do and who I am.
Who think's I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Who knows I'm not perfect but loves me anyway.
Who will hold me when I need to cry.
Who makes me laugh and laughs with me.
Who believes in being faithful.
Who is honest and has integrity.
Who can share an intellegent conversation with me.
Who loves to have a good time.
I want someone who likes to try new things.
I want someone who likes to have fun and go out and do things.
Who has enough energy to go out and DO those things we talk about.
Who loves to travel.
Who wants a family and values family.
Someone who is ambitious and wants to be successful and wants me to be successful as well.
Who likes to go out and spend time with my friends as well as his - together and seperate.
Who encourages me.
Who will give me constructive criticism when I need it and even when I don't.
Someone who doesn't put me down and make me feel stupid.
Who is understanding and kind.
Someone who is open minded but also has their own beliefs.
Someone who is a go getter and not lazy.
Someone who compliments me.
This list isn't exhaustive but it's enough for now. The funny thing is that these are a lot of the things that I feel and do with a person that I'm with. I put so much of myself into a relationship, maybe too much sometimes. Maybe this is the problem. Maybe it's too overwhelming for someone. It's hard because when there is something in my life, I give it my all, 100%. I never want to look back and say, I could have done better, could have tried harder. No regrets.
Well I think that's all for now. If you have any comments or words for me, I would love them. I hope you all are having an amazing week!! Goodnight.
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